Letter from Roy Bruce to Helen Bruce

I am still eating my
heart out here, and more or less quarrelling
with everybody. London have approved
of my transfer and now I am waiting
for the N.Z. New Zealand Government, and in their
usual chaotic manner they are taking a very long time to reply.

I am terribly afraid now
that even if the reply is in the affirmative
there will be a hitch this end. They
are taking so long, and so many of the
people in the high command here who
were arranging things for me have returned
to England , and in addition the N.Z. New Zealand
name at present is worse than mud
at GHQ General Headquarters . I do not wish to write about
their conduct it has been too awful. I
can only thank heaven my regiment
wasn't in it, being safely away on
Gallipoli ; but of course we are all tarred
with the same brush, and I feel so afraid
that my chances are now buried completely
out of sight.

For the first time during the war I
feel really depressed and downhearted.
My luck which a little while ago was
so splendidly in has suddenly changed &
appears to be worse than it ever was.

I feel somehow that there is no place
anywhere for me, that nobody can nor will
be bothered with me. Part of this
may be imagination. I don't know, perhaps
I am only tired and need a real change.

It is a curious thing but since I have
been here there is not a single N.Z. New Zealand officer
with whom I have anything in common.
They disgust me, their manners, ways & wit
seem so coarse. It is not that my
morals are any better, indeed they are
far worse, but somehow coarseness jars on
me now a thousand times more than
it did before the war. And the discipline,
I don't know, I suppose I have been spoilt
with the Imperial Staff during the last
eighteen months, but in this force it
simply doesn't exist. I was told last
night in perfect seriousness by an officer
that of course it was difficult to be strict
as so many of th emen were better off
than the officers & N.C.O.s Non-Commissioned Officers , and they the

officers and N.C.O.s. Non-Commissioned Officers were really afraid to
say much in case it might be brought
up against them when they returned to N.Z. New Zealand !!!! And they call it an army!!
Ye gods I would rather be a travelling
tinker than fail to completely in my job
while I wore a uniform. The N.Z.E.F. New Zealand Expeditionary Force
in Egypt is one seething mass of political
and personal intrigue. I am not exaggerating,
indeed it is far worse than I have painted
it. There is no place for me there
amongst all that, as you will readily
see for yourself. The time I have spent
amongst my own people has opened my eyes
and helped me immensely to take a
saner, broader and cleaner outlook on life.
Heigh-ho - I am of it and yet not of it,
because I am so alone without money or
influence. I have done my best, and this
time it has been a good best, but whatever
happens I will not crawl to the mob.
Of course I shall never be of use as
anything but a soldier. I can do that,
but I am getting old and there is nothing
done, and in truth I am very much
down in the dumps.

Whatever happens I shall try and get

to England before I return to N.Z. New Zealand , but
I don't trust these people one yard out of
my sight.

I am most awfully glad that you
are taking such an interest in your own
work, do tell me lots about it, I live
hearing. Doesn't it make a difference
when one has work that one likes and
can take an interest it?

Congratulations on the elimination
of the nail habit. This is the first I have
heard of it, the other letter must be one
of the numerous missing ones. I may as well
tell you that although I congratulate you,
I didn't expect anything less from you.

Well old girl I will stop this
miserable wait - hope to get a letter
from you soon, and I trust my next
will be more cheery.

Fare-you-well dear one, b-r-r-r
but I wish things would settle up.
Roy.